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Dating your sisters husbands brother
Q: I am 35 years old and have become good friends with my best friend from high school’s brother-in-law.He has made it clear that he's interested in me, but I have refused to pursue the relationship, despite my feelings, because I'm concerned about the effect it will have on my relationship with her. No, it is not a bad idea for you to date your best friend’s brother-in-law.
It sounds like you and your best friend’s brother-in-law are genuinely interested in one another, so why be concerned with what may or may not happen in the future?
Remember, your relationship with your best friend is a different relationship than your relationship with her brother-in-law.
Dating your best friend’s brother-in-law only becomes a bad idea if you allow everyone to have input on your relationship and it becomes a family affair. Do so by having an honest and open communication with the person you are going to date.
You also have to have an honest conversation with your best friend.
Just because he is her brother-in-law, that should not interfere with your relationship with him.
In fact, if things work out, it could be a lot of fun if you all share the same interests. Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend's ex.They wholeheartedly believe that it's wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they'd never talk to that person again.They believe this is something everybody knows, that they're just following the rules.What I've noticed, though, is that every person I've heard espouse this worldview was straight.This rule is almost never stated or enforced among queer communities.If you're gay, you will almost inevitably date a friend's ex at some point.Queer communities are often small and insular, and once you've found one, you tend to hold on to it for dear life.It's difficult to meet people you're romantically interested in beyond an already-defined circle, and outside of your city's queer scene, most people you run into are likely to be straight.Even if you meet someone to whom you think you have no previous connection, a 10-minute conversation almost always reveals that she went to high school with your college roommate, used to be on a volleyball team with that girl from your book club, and had a six-month stand with your favorite barista.Queers don't tend to expect our dates to come into our lives completely free of prior complication.